Bull riding, the armed forces, and cute little rabbits - Where do you stand?

As determined in my earlier post, my pursuit of life satisfaction and happiness is going to have to include dealing with several roadblocks to my being, first and foremost, happy with myself. I decided to tackle one of the largest in my mind....and what some might consider the most superficial....the image I see in the mirror. To those that would judge me as vain or say that image is not as important as other personal attributes, I offer this well thought out response....kiss my arse! (Lovin’ my new UK friends : ) I could defend my feelings with an Oprah-like dialogue about self image, realistic goals, and lifestyles for long term health. Instead, I will say that it is impossible to be happy when you risk personal injury by catching unexpected and horrifying glimpses of a “blob monster” of vintage sci-fi film proportion only to realize that it is the reflection of your backside as you step into the shower.

My goal is to rediscover the Deb of 2 years ago. Find the physical statistics that make me comfortable in my body again. Again, I don’t set numbers as my goals, but feelings. I am on a quest and determined. I start by asking myself the questions below to determine how far gone this woman in my mirror really is...

How’s your stats line up?
Bust versus waist - Waist versus Hips - The elevator's maximum weight versus my own? When the second exceeds the first, it is time to consider your options.

What’s my “range” South of the Border?
Can I still put my panty hose on standing up? Yes, as long as no one breaks my concentration. Reach the buckles on my shoes? If this ever becomes NO, I will ditch the heels for a pair of SAS sandals which I will wear with reinforced-toe support hose. I don’t deserve sexy shoes if I have to sit down to put them on. Paint my own toenails? Yes, thank God, because my feet are too ticklish for anyone else to do so. Determine grooming status without use of a mirror? Whew, again – I’m good here - no heavy lifting necessary to maintain personal hygiene.....

Could I still enter the military?
Stand at attention and not look like a linebacker? Oh, come on...you’ve all seen those women who can no longer put their hands to their sides due to the Luv Handles they’ve accumulated. For me – the day I can’t touch my own thighs – call the firing squad and just shoot me. Achieve and maintain “stealth” status while wearing pants? While I accept that I will never walk silently in a pair of corduroy pants again, I shudder at the thought of hearing the same sounds coming from my favorite jeans. When the inner thigh reveals 2nd degree friction burns after running after a wayward toddler or is first place your pants show wear and tear, it is time to address the issue.

And finally, are things hot and heavy in the bedroom?
Does it feel as if a third entity is between the two you during sex? No, he hasn’t introduced jello into the love-making...or a midget – that extra is just a little more you than usual. Does he decline to be on bottom as a form of self defense? Instead of “Ride me like a cowgirl” you now get “Oh, no babe – its okay – I just like the view from up here better.” Do they make “long reach” extensions for these? The question you have on your list for your sex toy rep because the rabbit just can’t quite get to the burrow any more. Fortunately, these are not reality for me....yet...

So there you have it – the questions I used to evaluate how far gone I am. My conclusion is that while I have lost a bit of ground, I’m not as far gone as I feared. It’s nice to do a self-examination and get better results than expected. While corduroy may be lost to me forever, a cowgirl hat and boots just landed on my shopping list : )